Arab Women #19: Mama !!

June 18, 2010

Almost every Arab man has to go through the painful experience of listening to his Arab woman talking about her love to her MAMA !

It’s just another attempt of your typical Arab woman to maniefest cuteness ! It is very “cute” of your Arab girl to express her love to her mother’s food – even if it’s the crappiest most unhealthy food ever  – it’s just very “cute” to talk about it.

Of course, there has to be a facebook picture of your Arab woman with her mama, this is a must ! 

Cuteness much ?

PS:  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with loving parents, but sometimes it’s just too much, specially when it’s cheesy and unreal. It can be a hypocrite attempt to look “cute”.

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Arab Women #16: DRAMA !!

September 8, 2009

As we all know, all women world-wide love Drama. It’s in their blood. It’s their thing !

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But nevertheless, our Arab women have taken this concept to a whole new level.

It all start with little girls watching cartoons. I tell you, even as a kid I was able to distinguish and notice that the stuff girls watch is really DISTURBING !

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It is really astonishing how very little girls get interested in cartoons about heart breaking and relationships. I remember watching everything as kid..but never this stuff !

Moving on, our Arab chicks dig drama. They look for it. They embrace it.kasandra

No matter what language the drama speaks, no matter how boring and cheesy it is, Arab women will follow it religiously. They cry at the beginning of the drama, cry in the middle of the drama, and cry at the end of the drama (be it a happy ending or sad ending, doesn’t matter).

All Arab young ladies have watched the Mexican series starting from Kasandra and ending with god knows what’s his name Alejandro-something.

Of course they watched the Turkish series also, who can miss such tragedies, specially when a girl-looking guy is acting ?

And you wonder why it is near to impossible to have a conversation about something useful with your average Arab girl ! If all her time is spent shedding tears on songs and series, then that’s all she know. And you wonder what kind of generation future mothers will raise ? The Nour/Muhannad generation probably, because that’s exactly what we need.

And don’t try to convince me otherwise, because if that’s all she know, then that’s exactly what she’s going to “produce” (the mating analogy again, sorry but it fits everywhere!).

God be with men who are forced to watch these things…and listen to cheesy music !


Arab men: #17- It’s a jungle out there…

September 6, 2009

Leish el neswan – el 7areem – el nesa2 – el marahat, mabye7lo be3een elrjal until they are practically hooked up, actually married OR even have kids!? I have noticed a lot of guys running after “Busy” women = ya3ny opposite of vacant :p

El mohem, I’ve heard many theories on this and I refuse to even share them here le’anno 3aib o it’s Ramadan kids, let’s have some decency. Forget about married women, what pisses me off is that a gal like me and many of the readers out there stays home or goes about in her ordinary dull boring life waiting, waiting and probably dies waiting for Mr. right to come wala 7ada bye66ala3 bewesha (looks at her or pays attention to her translated to English) and when she becomes involved with someone BANG, seems like she attracts men more wella na9eebha beye3la shway wella I don’t know what happens… Did that ever happen to you girls?

Or at some point some guy would walk up to you and start acting differently when he’s just an acquaintance or a regular friend and starts interfering in your private life in an attempt to “make you see things right” or innocently “help”! Okkk, that’s a bunch man bas if you had emotions why wait till there’s another monkey around and start a fuss!

Saaaame same jungle law! It’s like they’re waiting for the mating season o kel wa7ed byehjom ba3dein to try and win the catch = el log6a as our Jordanian brothers call an attractive woman.

Meet Sa3deya, a loner.. been in the jungle for so long, poor thing can’t tell day from night and all she does is eat while staring at them hunks around her @@

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Sa3deya 7elyet be3een 3abbas and they both decided to give a shot o kollo tamam ela an akalat el gheera qalb 3abdo el bully elly qarrar enno “yesa3edha” o yehaddeha whenever a fight occurs between the couple or even some tines offer help and gifts or even too many “Hi and Hello” calls when it’s not necessary la7ad ma 3abbas 6a2!

A couple of chest beating and they fight…

3abbas o 3abdo

6ab leish el bahdale o shegl elze3ran!? leish men el awwal ma nash.shant 3al bent o won her heart!? 6ab o if you had feelings, why were you such a chicken and never stepped up?!

el 3aib fe shabab el youm enno they delay everything, they blame all their issues on everything and everyone around them.. they are lazy! and as James Brown sang (with a few modifications):

This is a man’s world, but it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without women’s rule ! 3alashan yemsho 3ala 3ajeen maylakhba6oosh ! *beats chest*


Arab Women #13: Sneaky

September 3, 2009

In this post, I’m targeting the new generation, who unfortunately keep on disappointing me. I’ll talk about the most common types of girls: “The Islamised” and “The Westernized”.

Of course we have more types. As a matter of fact, we have all kind of types, but these two seem to be the most prominent ones, yet the most disappointing at the same time. Gotta wonder why lot of women don’t seem to get married nowadays.

“The Islamised” girl ideally portrays herself as the conservative girl, who have to tell the whole world that she prays and fasts. She makes sure that every person who know her (or know of her) is very well aware that she prayed.

It’s all about morals. It’s all about portraying herself as the perfect conservative Arab wife who happens to be the dream of every Arab guy (mating anybody?).

“The Westernized” girl is your typical girl who grow up thinking she will be a Britney Spears one day. She goes to English schools, American private universities, and she says “OMG OMG OMG” hundred times a day.

You can identify “The Westernized” ones easily, they’re the ones who puts a “fuck off” sign on their foreheads specially when they’re teenagers. They all live in a parallel realities.

“The Islamised” girls all have boy friends secretly. Sadly enough, they ideally have more than one boy friend at a time, and I’m taking here from an eye witness point of view.

“The Islamised” girl will give her boyfriend all kinds of headaches ever known to humanity. She will freak him out, get pissed on every possible occasion. She’s the master of Drama. Actually she’s the most creative creature when it comes to drama !

“The Westernized” girl will ideally avoid boys and say “ewww” on every possible occasion. But that’s only when she’s under the age of 18. After that, she get’s a cultural shock. She goes to college. She’s not a Britney Spears.

She fell head over heals for a guy who is less than average. But everybody knows about it. She changes her status on facebook to “It’s complicated”. She fills facebook with pictures of her and her boy friend; trying to convince everybody that her boy friend is almost a Brad Pitt.

“The Islamised” girl continues her stalking quest. The more boys the better. I’m not happy to say this, but they tend to be sneaky liars. Showing off their religious commitments while having relationships and affairs. Pretending that they don’t have a boy friend while they ALL have have boy friends. They’re all in relationships. They all hit on every possible guy they see. They cheat, lie, evade, and sneak.  It saddens me to say that I reached a point where I can that ANY girl who portrays herself as religious is nothing but a hypocrite liar. Period.

As you might already have guessed, I’m more pro “The Westernized” girl here. Not that they’re perfect, no they’re not. Some of them go to some odd extremes. But generally speaking, you don’t see the hypocrisy you see with the other type of girls. At least you know when she has a boy friend that she has a boyfriend. At least she doesn’t have two boy friends at the same time.

There’s a third type…and we can call it the “prostitute” type. Please don’t confuse it with “The Westernized”, because “prostitute” type try to portray themselves as Westernized. No need to write about this type, they’re not worth the trouble.


Arab Men and Women #5: Mating

August 27, 2009

In the most animal sense of the word, mating is exactly what I meant, you read it right.

And be forewarned, this post should be read in open-mindedness or else it can be very offensive and ridiculously misunderstood.

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I can safely generalize and say that mating is the center point of life in the Arab world. It’s the essence and the end-goal itself.

It starts from childhood.

The boy hears his father bragging about how many male kids he managed to produce, and the mother starts preparing her daughter to join the cycle of production in a very young age.

Young daughters, at a very early age, when the mind is fresh and is capable of  recording whatever the ear hears, start hearing stories in women sessions about marriage. Who got married to who, and who is searching for a bride to her son, and who is prettier enough to manage to marry that doctor…and who can cook better food to please the aspiring husbands….and so forth.

It all comes down to production. Getting married to have kids, and join the natural food chain.

Daughters grow up, only to watch series about women getting married and produce kids. Sloppy video clips about a girl who’s devastated because she couldn’t manage to convince her boy friend to join the food chain with her.

Boys also, hear and see stories about ideal good men who managed to get college degrees and got married to produce other kids…and join the food chain. To please their aging parents, because this is the only thing that parents seem to get, who dare to displease parents at this age ?

It’s all about mating.

Guys are highly encouraged to join GYMs. It’s the trend now, It’s a trend now: to tone up at the gym, and not to get healthier or anything, no; of course NOT!  It’s for the sole purpose of seducing cylinder mammals from the other gender. Because, as some of you know, when a girl have average or slightly above average facial features….she tend to be picky when in certain age range. when a girl has average or slightly above average facial features, she tends to be picky during a certain age range. She will prefer a male who is, well, less of a loser than the rest of males

Mating is everywhere: songs,movies, series, women sessions, men sagas in cafes and gahawi sheeshaa etc…

Personal Note:

I wrote this post while practicing extreme anger management techniques. It’s so sad that previous generation was so deranged in a silly way. They’re irresponsible, and unfortunately, managed to produce a more irresponsible generation.

We live in one of the most disturbed areas of the world, yet the land we live on is the richest land on earth. We have occupations and wars that tore us apart for the last two centuries. Genocides take place on a monthly basis. Our lands are burned and our people are being massacred so that oil companies and weapons manufacturers can grow richer and stronger ,and yet marriage is all that mothers care about ? Then mothers, go to hell.

Unless and until we wake up and take responsibilities, then may God have mercy on us. Unless we wake up and take our responsibilities to the heart, then we will never join the rest of the world. We will stay behind. People have reached the moon, and we’re still bragging about our mating adventures.

This post is dedicated to the few good men and women  who take the responsibility of advancing this nation on their shoulders.


Arab Men & Women: #3 Human curiosity or let’s say, morbid curse-ity!

May 11, 2009

Gaaas!

Holla-muchachos-y-chiquitas!! It’s been a while eh! Ya’ know life with all its glory, add to that a nasty case of writer’s block – no, not due to lack of topics to gossip about here – I am just stressed out *pheew*

So what’s up zalamas and zalamat – 7ormat and 7areemat – rejal o rejjalat?! How’re things going on with you and the pig flue? Did you get rid of all the ham you got around if you’re living in Lebanon or Egypt?! ;p Or do you have to go on riots to prevent it? I missed you here and I need to make sure that y’all are safe and disease free! *sneezes*

Let’s get back to the topic and this manages to ruin my day no matter how good a-one I’m having and I would like your explanation since we are civilized enough to accept constructive criticism!

Read below situations and “ass-es” ;p :

1. Driving on the highway, seat belt on and within speeding limits to come to a complete halt and all that can be seen are lines of cars ahead and you waaaait, waaaait and WAIT like there’s no tomorrow and when everything is cleared and you move forward all you see are two cars parked, NOT EVEN a major accident a simple case of bumper “kissing” ya3ny nothing serious and people just stop and stare! stare only! Like their gesture would miraculously mend those bumpers or help ease those poor bastards! Seriously!?

2. Also driving on a packed highway but this time you see ambulance lights on the opposite side (not even your side) yet the side that you’re on is not moving… people slow down and pass by to watch! Worse even are those who pull aside to take pictures! Oh My Rabby! Medical staff need room to assist those involved in the accidents not “shoo off” bystanders who want to watch!

3. I will change the scenario now, let’s assume you are in a mall and a fight breaks and you are on the right off side of the entire mall; Suddenly you see a stampede – a sea of humans running in the opposite direction when they heard shouting / cussing ! lol – ok, let’s assume they want to go help put those people aside bas nooo think again! They go to take videos of the whole rumble to You Tube it later on LMFAO !

4. Let’s say you’re in the car again, you have a burger that you got from a drive thru and you’re at the stoplight eating when you turn your face to see the guy in the car next to you staring and your face is stuffed with ketchup! What do you do?! Offer a bite!? “Have ya never seen a person eating before!?”

5. You go in the ladies-room to fix your makeup right and if you are like me, you would mind your own business and look straight (focusing on yourself only in the mirror) but what I don’t get is why women eyeball each other like that in the bathroom!? I thank God that we have semi private stalls!

6. You walk in a restaurant and you’re alone ok! you want to grab a bite and you are by yourself! WHY DO THEY STARE!?!

A R A B S !


Arab Women: #9 Loving other women

February 24, 2009

Oh no, I’m not implying anything related to sexual orientations here ! we still don’t see Arab Lesbian women (yet). What I’m referring to is another phenomenon our beloved Arab women invented and it’s Arab women trade mark ! 🙂

While you seem to see women from different culutres taking normal pictures near nice landscapes or buildings, or even with friends, be it men friends or women friends,just normal, but when it comes to our Arab women, you notice something strange.

Arab women tend to take pictures with other Arab women, showing undying, poetic love to other women ! It’s really weird and sometimes disturbing to see all girls albums is simply her and another girl friend, with all the lovey dovey comments, while in real life you bet your life it’s not real ! It’s too cheesy and obviously fake.

So if you’re new to the Arab culture, just be cool and don’t get the wrong idea, she’s not lesbian, she’s just performing another holy practice inherited from other Arab women. She have to choose a “best” woman friend, and you will see them hugging and doing all those weird stuff, and expect that woman to one day tell you how frustrated she is from that specific woman.

PS: you might hear Arab guys telling you the cheesy joke over and over again whenever they see two Arab women kiss : I wish I was that girl that were kissed and hugged.