Arab Men and Women #8: Brand Names

December 17, 2010

If you’re visiting the Middle East for the first time; you’re up for a surprise here 😎

Forget what you see on TV about wars and religion; it’s just the stupid propaganda.

If you happen to visit one of the famous Arab cities like Dubai (or Posh Dubai if you will), Beirut, Amman, or Cairo; you will notice a rediculous interest in brand names and fashion in general. Since this is the Middle East, so you should already expect the unexpected.

Just because something is trending in New York, Stockholm, and Paris, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s trending in Beirut and Amman for example !  Typically, you will find a certain type of jeans trending, and at least 95% of the girls (and guys – disturbing I know) wearing the same type of jeans. It’s the cool thing, and everybody will have to wear and if you don’t wear the same jeans then you are a loser – uncool – geek.

A typical stylish guy should have at least 18 different jeans, and a girl would have double or triple that – depends on her budget.  Believe me, it’s nothing you will see anywhere, because usually a  girl doesn’t have to provide for herself or for her family in the Middle East, so basically her budget is her entire salary.

Guys however, depends on their money, and that can be a bitch. So just like the rest of the world, cool and rich go hand in hand here. Diesel, Pull & bear, and so many brands, some of which are actually not stylish anywhere save for the Middle East. And since the whole concept and sense of beauty is damaged (read my earlier posts to understand), so the degree of beauty and coolness is primarily related to clothing in the Middle East.

Speaking of Brand Names, you should also notice that the average (15 to 60) yrs old Arab citizen usually have the latest cell phone out there. Be it the new iphone(s), blackberry, Nokia, or whatever brand that’s trending – in the Middle East. It doesn’t matter if they don’t use 98% of the features in those “smart” phones, it’s all about the looks, and being cool to attract the opposite sex (now don’t argue and say that it’s for some other holier puporse, there isn’t any other logical reason that I can think of).

On a personal ranking, I think Beirut & Dubai are the winners for the most over-dressed girls, and I gotta tell you, an eye candy isn’t always a bad idea 😉 ; just don’t get dragged to the world of “fashion in the Middle East” because you need a lot of time, money, and plenty of airhead to catch up with the madness.


Arab Women #17: Witchcraft

September 17, 2009

It’s all about black art and Genies for Arab Women !

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The world is revolving around them, and the evil spirits of the universe have nothing to do but jinx them ! Everybody seems to be busy jinxing their ” one of a kind” children, or doing spells to steal their drop gorgeous husbands.

Everybody is jealous because of this girl’s LONG hair, and everybody want a big butt like that girl, so the only way to achieve that is by practicing witchcraft.

They have a very distorted mindset, they mix religion with marriage and sex and mythology and cooking. It’s really disturbing, and I gave up on rationalizing how they exactly think.

Religious Studies teachers at schools, who are supposed to raise our kids, basicaly know absolutely nothing about religion (or anything in life for that matter). I’m not generalizing, I’m talking from experience, specially those who teach kids from 1st to 4th grade, they’re a receipt for disaster. They do nothing but talk about Genies, telling stories to kids that have nothing to do with religion or anything logical !! Terrifying kids, and directing their minds and hearts towards things that won’t benefit them in any possible way whatsoever.

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Their lame excuse is that Genies are mentioned in Qur’an. This is true, it is mentioned in Qur’an, but it’s not mentioned in Qur’an that our whole life revolves around that. Genies exist, and that’s it ! Earlier Muslims didn’t bother about these things, but our Arab women of course know better and they will save humanity by watching TV shows about witchcraft. Our nation needs women who have nothing to do all day save for watching useless TV shows that offer nothing but harm to the brain !

Thankfully, the new generation girls don’t seem to have the same interest in these things. I have a dream that one day, old Arab women will spare us the headache that comes from this bullshit.

And I can bet anybody here, that if I grow a beard and go on a TV show talking bullshit about magic; granted the show will get more hits than any normal informative religious program.


Arab Women #16: DRAMA !!

September 8, 2009

As we all know, all women world-wide love Drama. It’s in their blood. It’s their thing !

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But nevertheless, our Arab women have taken this concept to a whole new level.

It all start with little girls watching cartoons. I tell you, even as a kid I was able to distinguish and notice that the stuff girls watch is really DISTURBING !

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It is really astonishing how very little girls get interested in cartoons about heart breaking and relationships. I remember watching everything as kid..but never this stuff !

Moving on, our Arab chicks dig drama. They look for it. They embrace it.kasandra

No matter what language the drama speaks, no matter how boring and cheesy it is, Arab women will follow it religiously. They cry at the beginning of the drama, cry in the middle of the drama, and cry at the end of the drama (be it a happy ending or sad ending, doesn’t matter).

All Arab young ladies have watched the Mexican series starting from Kasandra and ending with god knows what’s his name Alejandro-something.

Of course they watched the Turkish series also, who can miss such tragedies, specially when a girl-looking guy is acting ?

And you wonder why it is near to impossible to have a conversation about something useful with your average Arab girl ! If all her time is spent shedding tears on songs and series, then that’s all she know. And you wonder what kind of generation future mothers will raise ? The Nour/Muhannad generation probably, because that’s exactly what we need.

And don’t try to convince me otherwise, because if that’s all she know, then that’s exactly what she’s going to “produce” (the mating analogy again, sorry but it fits everywhere!).

God be with men who are forced to watch these things…and listen to cheesy music !


Arab men: #17- It’s a jungle out there…

September 6, 2009

Leish el neswan – el 7areem – el nesa2 – el marahat, mabye7lo be3een elrjal until they are practically hooked up, actually married OR even have kids!? I have noticed a lot of guys running after “Busy” women = ya3ny opposite of vacant :p

El mohem, I’ve heard many theories on this and I refuse to even share them here le’anno 3aib o it’s Ramadan kids, let’s have some decency. Forget about married women, what pisses me off is that a gal like me and many of the readers out there stays home or goes about in her ordinary dull boring life waiting, waiting and probably dies waiting for Mr. right to come wala 7ada bye66ala3 bewesha (looks at her or pays attention to her translated to English) and when she becomes involved with someone BANG, seems like she attracts men more wella na9eebha beye3la shway wella I don’t know what happens… Did that ever happen to you girls?

Or at some point some guy would walk up to you and start acting differently when he’s just an acquaintance or a regular friend and starts interfering in your private life in an attempt to “make you see things right” or innocently “help”! Okkk, that’s a bunch man bas if you had emotions why wait till there’s another monkey around and start a fuss!

Saaaame same jungle law! It’s like they’re waiting for the mating season o kel wa7ed byehjom ba3dein to try and win the catch = el log6a as our Jordanian brothers call an attractive woman.

Meet Sa3deya, a loner.. been in the jungle for so long, poor thing can’t tell day from night and all she does is eat while staring at them hunks around her @@

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Sa3deya 7elyet be3een 3abbas and they both decided to give a shot o kollo tamam ela an akalat el gheera qalb 3abdo el bully elly qarrar enno “yesa3edha” o yehaddeha whenever a fight occurs between the couple or even some tines offer help and gifts or even too many “Hi and Hello” calls when it’s not necessary la7ad ma 3abbas 6a2!

A couple of chest beating and they fight…

3abbas o 3abdo

6ab leish el bahdale o shegl elze3ran!? leish men el awwal ma nash.shant 3al bent o won her heart!? 6ab o if you had feelings, why were you such a chicken and never stepped up?!

el 3aib fe shabab el youm enno they delay everything, they blame all their issues on everything and everyone around them.. they are lazy! and as James Brown sang (with a few modifications):

This is a man’s world, but it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without women’s rule ! 3alashan yemsho 3ala 3ajeen maylakhba6oosh ! *beats chest*


Arab Men and Women #5: Mating

August 27, 2009

In the most animal sense of the word, mating is exactly what I meant, you read it right.

And be forewarned, this post should be read in open-mindedness or else it can be very offensive and ridiculously misunderstood.

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I can safely generalize and say that mating is the center point of life in the Arab world. It’s the essence and the end-goal itself.

It starts from childhood.

The boy hears his father bragging about how many male kids he managed to produce, and the mother starts preparing her daughter to join the cycle of production in a very young age.

Young daughters, at a very early age, when the mind is fresh and is capable of  recording whatever the ear hears, start hearing stories in women sessions about marriage. Who got married to who, and who is searching for a bride to her son, and who is prettier enough to manage to marry that doctor…and who can cook better food to please the aspiring husbands….and so forth.

It all comes down to production. Getting married to have kids, and join the natural food chain.

Daughters grow up, only to watch series about women getting married and produce kids. Sloppy video clips about a girl who’s devastated because she couldn’t manage to convince her boy friend to join the food chain with her.

Boys also, hear and see stories about ideal good men who managed to get college degrees and got married to produce other kids…and join the food chain. To please their aging parents, because this is the only thing that parents seem to get, who dare to displease parents at this age ?

It’s all about mating.

Guys are highly encouraged to join GYMs. It’s the trend now, It’s a trend now: to tone up at the gym, and not to get healthier or anything, no; of course NOT!  It’s for the sole purpose of seducing cylinder mammals from the other gender. Because, as some of you know, when a girl have average or slightly above average facial features….she tend to be picky when in certain age range. when a girl has average or slightly above average facial features, she tends to be picky during a certain age range. She will prefer a male who is, well, less of a loser than the rest of males

Mating is everywhere: songs,movies, series, women sessions, men sagas in cafes and gahawi sheeshaa etc…

Personal Note:

I wrote this post while practicing extreme anger management techniques. It’s so sad that previous generation was so deranged in a silly way. They’re irresponsible, and unfortunately, managed to produce a more irresponsible generation.

We live in one of the most disturbed areas of the world, yet the land we live on is the richest land on earth. We have occupations and wars that tore us apart for the last two centuries. Genocides take place on a monthly basis. Our lands are burned and our people are being massacred so that oil companies and weapons manufacturers can grow richer and stronger ,and yet marriage is all that mothers care about ? Then mothers, go to hell.

Unless and until we wake up and take responsibilities, then may God have mercy on us. Unless we wake up and take our responsibilities to the heart, then we will never join the rest of the world. We will stay behind. People have reached the moon, and we’re still bragging about our mating adventures.

This post is dedicated to the few good men and women  who take the responsibility of advancing this nation on their shoulders.


Arab Men & Women: #3 Human curiosity or let’s say, morbid curse-ity!

May 11, 2009

Gaaas!

Holla-muchachos-y-chiquitas!! It’s been a while eh! Ya’ know life with all its glory, add to that a nasty case of writer’s block – no, not due to lack of topics to gossip about here – I am just stressed out *pheew*

So what’s up zalamas and zalamat – 7ormat and 7areemat – rejal o rejjalat?! How’re things going on with you and the pig flue? Did you get rid of all the ham you got around if you’re living in Lebanon or Egypt?! ;p Or do you have to go on riots to prevent it? I missed you here and I need to make sure that y’all are safe and disease free! *sneezes*

Let’s get back to the topic and this manages to ruin my day no matter how good a-one I’m having and I would like your explanation since we are civilized enough to accept constructive criticism!

Read below situations and “ass-es” ;p :

1. Driving on the highway, seat belt on and within speeding limits to come to a complete halt and all that can be seen are lines of cars ahead and you waaaait, waaaait and WAIT like there’s no tomorrow and when everything is cleared and you move forward all you see are two cars parked, NOT EVEN a major accident a simple case of bumper “kissing” ya3ny nothing serious and people just stop and stare! stare only! Like their gesture would miraculously mend those bumpers or help ease those poor bastards! Seriously!?

2. Also driving on a packed highway but this time you see ambulance lights on the opposite side (not even your side) yet the side that you’re on is not moving… people slow down and pass by to watch! Worse even are those who pull aside to take pictures! Oh My Rabby! Medical staff need room to assist those involved in the accidents not “shoo off” bystanders who want to watch!

3. I will change the scenario now, let’s assume you are in a mall and a fight breaks and you are on the right off side of the entire mall; Suddenly you see a stampede – a sea of humans running in the opposite direction when they heard shouting / cussing ! lol – ok, let’s assume they want to go help put those people aside bas nooo think again! They go to take videos of the whole rumble to You Tube it later on LMFAO !

4. Let’s say you’re in the car again, you have a burger that you got from a drive thru and you’re at the stoplight eating when you turn your face to see the guy in the car next to you staring and your face is stuffed with ketchup! What do you do?! Offer a bite!? “Have ya never seen a person eating before!?”

5. You go in the ladies-room to fix your makeup right and if you are like me, you would mind your own business and look straight (focusing on yourself only in the mirror) but what I don’t get is why women eyeball each other like that in the bathroom!? I thank God that we have semi private stalls!

6. You walk in a restaurant and you’re alone ok! you want to grab a bite and you are by yourself! WHY DO THEY STARE!?!

A R A B S !


Arab Men and Women: #2 Superiority

March 7, 2009

This is one of the most pathetic things we suffer from.

No matter how old your Arab friend is, no matter where they live, and no matter where they grow up, you will find them – ALL of them- assuming superiority over other Arab nations.

Evey single Arab citizen thinks that his “country” is better than the neighboring country, and mind you he and his country can be both retards, but still, you will have remarks left and right on how superior they are and how they’re more advnaced than the neihgboring countries.

Teachers at schools teach it to the kids. Any teacher will tell the students how he and his country men are the very best of the best in everything. Be it science, history, belly dancing, religion…just about anything.

Retard mothers usually pass it to their daughters, and dumbass uneducated (and even the educated ones)men with all seriousness will talk about it in sheesha sessions where they discuss almost everything from football to world war 5.

Just don’t be surprised if your Arab friend take it for granted that his/her country/nation/tribe/family is the very best of everything, this is how they think.