Arab Men and Women #7: Turkish Coffee

September 24, 2009

One of the very old habits, Turkish Coffee !

magic

Whenever you visit any respectful Arab family, friend, or even in a casual meeting, you will be attacked with a cup of Turkish coffee.

It’s a very important ritual in the Arab society, and don’t you dare to refuse it ! It’s a very sacred ritual. If you are a man and you don’t like it, then it degrades the level of your manhood in the society; because it’s really manish to drink and actually love Turkish coffee !

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If you are an Arab woman, then you love it anyway, because it is one of the very basic building blocks of any time-wasting chatting session.

So try to love your Turkish Coffee ! you will be drinking it anyway.


Arab Women #17: Witchcraft

September 17, 2009

It’s all about black art and Genies for Arab Women !

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The world is revolving around them, and the evil spirits of the universe have nothing to do but jinx them ! Everybody seems to be busy jinxing their ” one of a kind” children, or doing spells to steal their drop gorgeous husbands.

Everybody is jealous because of this girl’s LONG hair, and everybody want a big butt like that girl, so the only way to achieve that is by practicing witchcraft.

They have a very distorted mindset, they mix religion with marriage and sex and mythology and cooking. It’s really disturbing, and I gave up on rationalizing how they exactly think.

Religious Studies teachers at schools, who are supposed to raise our kids, basicaly know absolutely nothing about religion (or anything in life for that matter). I’m not generalizing, I’m talking from experience, specially those who teach kids from 1st to 4th grade, they’re a receipt for disaster. They do nothing but talk about Genies, telling stories to kids that have nothing to do with religion or anything logical !! Terrifying kids, and directing their minds and hearts towards things that won’t benefit them in any possible way whatsoever.

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Their lame excuse is that Genies are mentioned in Qur’an. This is true, it is mentioned in Qur’an, but it’s not mentioned in Qur’an that our whole life revolves around that. Genies exist, and that’s it ! Earlier Muslims didn’t bother about these things, but our Arab women of course know better and they will save humanity by watching TV shows about witchcraft. Our nation needs women who have nothing to do all day save for watching useless TV shows that offer nothing but harm to the brain !

Thankfully, the new generation girls don’t seem to have the same interest in these things. I have a dream that one day, old Arab women will spare us the headache that comes from this bullshit.

And I can bet anybody here, that if I grow a beard and go on a TV show talking bullshit about magic; granted the show will get more hits than any normal informative religious program.


Arab men: #18- Halema Bolland

September 8, 2009

halema boland

Well, she is “cute” if she’s take the natural approach of presenting shows, presenting herself and working more on her articulate skills le anno el dala3 o el maya3a mesh sexy abadan – yeah yeah Halema fans call me jealous!

I don’t understand how most of the guys I hear from, read comments from online think she’s a “shagfe” = hottie! Showing more cleavage makes a gal hot?! Or the fake lenses? Or the foundation on her face and over her nose to define it? mashofna kteer banat on TV simply gorgeous bas matrasha.7o la ay beauty nominations zay el okht ?!

o “HeeeeeeeeeeeeYaaaaaaaaaa” 7aleemaaaaa = walla lagool lawalad 3ammy yentegem mennek!


Arab Women #16: DRAMA !!

September 8, 2009

As we all know, all women world-wide love Drama. It’s in their blood. It’s their thing !

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But nevertheless, our Arab women have taken this concept to a whole new level.

It all start with little girls watching cartoons. I tell you, even as a kid I was able to distinguish and notice that the stuff girls watch is really DISTURBING !

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It is really astonishing how very little girls get interested in cartoons about heart breaking and relationships. I remember watching everything as kid..but never this stuff !

Moving on, our Arab chicks dig drama. They look for it. They embrace it.kasandra

No matter what language the drama speaks, no matter how boring and cheesy it is, Arab women will follow it religiously. They cry at the beginning of the drama, cry in the middle of the drama, and cry at the end of the drama (be it a happy ending or sad ending, doesn’t matter).

All Arab young ladies have watched the Mexican series starting from Kasandra and ending with god knows what’s his name Alejandro-something.

Of course they watched the Turkish series also, who can miss such tragedies, specially when a girl-looking guy is acting ?

And you wonder why it is near to impossible to have a conversation about something useful with your average Arab girl ! If all her time is spent shedding tears on songs and series, then that’s all she know. And you wonder what kind of generation future mothers will raise ? The Nour/Muhannad generation probably, because that’s exactly what we need.

And don’t try to convince me otherwise, because if that’s all she know, then that’s exactly what she’s going to “produce” (the mating analogy again, sorry but it fits everywhere!).

God be with men who are forced to watch these things…and listen to cheesy music !


Arab Women #15: Wa7ed sheesha o salla7ooooooo

September 8, 2009

shisha

I tampered with the picture and blurred the girl’s face so no one gets upset as I noticed from comments on a previous post :p ma3a enno the girl ain’t even an Arab bas sho na3mol ya3ny..

I was out for Iftar today with “3abbas” – read the post on gorillas – the restaurant was packed and you could see how people were waiting for the athan anxiously while checking the buffet and watching the waiters go back n’ forth with salad dishes, soup and the laban to set on tables. All is normal of course…

Then we heard the athan so what we normally do is nsammy, drink some laban or water and eat the tamra right?! I have never seen someone picking up sheesha to break fast!! lol ya3ny mesh 2adra testanna !!! While everyone around that particular was busy munching on appetizers, the coal guy was fixing ras el sheesha la hal neswan – sorry benteen o 2 older women. Yes I am nosy person and I was watching their moves because I am a woman after all and I have to observe all.

We had great food, tea with mint and the man had dessert o hadool lessa beyshaysho! el ra7ma!! I decided to move my eyes to check the surrounding wella the majority of the women – ladies were smoking sheesha in comparison to a couple of men modestly smoking the hookah fa 2a3adt afakker ya3ny now el neswan are more into sheesha than before, allah yer7am ayyam zaman lamman kanet el mara eza masket sheesha akaloha b3yenon o 7ako 3anna al shooo 3aib o ma 3aib o mesh feminine! wlak yes3ad neswan hal ayyam kel wa7da wala agda3ha m3allema :p

The man goes like: “heida tafnee9” they are just messing around and that’s not real smoking, they show off by holding the pipe and puffing some smoke from their mouths not even inhaling it but why pretend like it’s a must after – in some cases before – a meal especially when you’ve been fasting the majority of the day?! I am one of those ladies who order a 3enab sheesha ya3ny akhaf shee and after a couple of smokes I get drowsy and start coughing! so I sheesha only when I am within a group and I really feel like it o armi nafsi fel tahloka and don’t say it’s haram – don’t get religion involved man.

Why are women more into sheesha than before? why do they have “girlie” flavors like shammam o cappuccino or even ward walla farawla? Why do they have special hoses with glittery stuff and sequins or flashy colors and you see women asking for these accessories ya3ny style heyye o yaaha !? I mean, they are marketing it based on gender now right?!


Arab Women #14: Star Trek eye-brows!

September 7, 2009

Bar-spook-ack

Beh beh beh, that looks so real n’ genuine! Maskeen Obama bas it’s not him I am targeting, 7awajbeeno = the eye brows demonstrated in that picture above! Yes, I am speaking about my sisters out there although it’s HER13MANNNY’s job to do that, stab us in the back ;p and yes I know your nickname bas that’s how I read it. erfa3 3alay ta3weed adabi ezaaa 7a99altny !

Ma3aleina, women in the Arab world are soooo infatuated with the celebrities o artists specially abo ne9 kom female singers and the TV presenters and they imitate everything they do and akeed mostly noticed are makeup trends and fashion… 7aleema Boland any body?! @@

Eye-brows, eye-brows *sigh* … I go to the salon and I watch women shave half of them off and use henna tattoo to draw them and shape them up. 3ady and it’s their decision but what I don’t get are the demonic – “Japanese” eye-brow style!! it’s a raised line almost reaching your hair line on your forehead and the thing is, the higher it is the sexier obviously or something! shoft ekteer bas heik la2.. I am trying to anticipate the upcoming style trend for eye-brows bel 3alam el 3arabi bas I know that Egyptians started it right!? No offense people :p

I want to fess up though…

My younger sister walked into my room two days ago and cuz I didn’t have my glasses on, only thing I could see are two dark lines on her face specifically over her eyes and I was like: “yekhreb beitek 7ala2teehon!?” = did you shave’em?!

She was like no only henna tattoo and we didn’t spare her. I happen to drop by the salon as well and the lady who did my sister’s eyebrows was like: “they nice?” – “Yeah but it shows fake ya3ny, so why do it”

EB Lady: “Thin eyebrows need little tattoo better than eye liner and more natural”
Me: ” Uha, so what you want me to do mine!?”
EB Lady: “Try try, it will look very nice for you”

Five minutes of serious thinking of the consequences … AND I HAD THEM TATTOOED bas still, they look pretty natural to me:

secret is to find someone really good at this and pick the right shade of henna, also shaping them in a decent “natural” way helps ya3ny don’t make them longer that needed wala thicker.

No one said we’re anti fashion wella el moda bas everything in moderation is nice..

Next eyebrow style, one of the below :p

حواجب

Although the picture is not clear 😦


Arab Men and Women: #6 STARBUCKS!

September 6, 2009

starbucks

Benmoooot feeh! benmoooot if we don’t at least have one cup of coffee barra el beit o bel akhas Star*ucks!

leeeish hal fixation ya tara?! tab mafee 3anna 2ahwet Abou Ali ولا شو إسما نسيت و الله !