Arab Women #18: Stupidity

Look at the miserable faces of the women in the picture above.. Do you know what women stood against and fought for throughout years?! They wanted “equality”, same rights, same financial terms.. they wanted to stand up to violence while some just wanted to wipe out men as a race!

You got your rights!? You can vote, drive cars and breast feed kids during working hours?! What good did it do you when:

1. Dress up like whores and those that particularly piss me off are these women who take off their hejab and “start over again” like she’s been en caged by hejab ya haram.. you make me sick

2. Those who steal other girls’ men just for a ma9la7a then get a divorce to hop another man and get yet another divorce – bringing more kids to this world from a sick mother (I know believe me).. you make me sick

3. Girls who remarry every chance they get, ya okhty you failed so many times before khalas quit!! Leave men for them poor single ladies out there waiting patiently with dignity, mosh le anno you “can” get married bedoun “mashakel” and get a divorce (if you know what I mean) khalas it becomes a habit! .. you make me sick

4. Girls who suddenly cleaned up after being exposed to a foreign culture and yaay now “she speaks English with a slang” and then they think they are over n’above everyone else.. you make me sick

5. Girls who give us the bad reputation of being materialistic – they are so shallow with their wants n’ needs so I don’t blame guys for being paranoid.. you make me sick

6. El habal o el 3aba6 taba3 el banat- I find it sick when girls go out in groups to have fun and it’s not just any kind of fun! I get sick seeing pics of girls drinking alcohol and partying like sluts and the disaster is “they take too much pride in being open minded and free” … you make me sick

What else?! Did we women achieve after claiming our civil rights ?

Arab Men and Women #7: Turkish Coffee

One of the very old habits, Turkish Coffee !

Whenever you visit any respectful Arab family, friend, or even in a casual meeting, you will be attacked with a cup of Turkish coffee.

It’s a very important ritual in the Arab society, and don’t you dare to refuse it ! It’s a very sacred ritual. If you are a man and you don’t like it, then it degrades the level of your manhood in the society; because it’s really manish to drink and actually love Turkish coffee !

If you are an Arab woman, then you love it anyway, because it is one of the very basic building blocks of any time-wasting chatting session.

So try to love your Turkish Coffee ! you will be drinking it anyway.

Arab Women #17: Witchcraft

It’s all about black art and Genies for Arab Women !

The world is revolving around them, and the evil spirits of the universe have nothing to do but jinx them ! Everybody seems to be busy jinxing their ” one of a kind” children, or doing spells to steal their drop gorgeous husbands.

Everybody is jealous because of this girl’s LONG hair, and everybody want a big butt like that girl, so the only way to achieve that is by practicing witchcraft.

They have a very distorted mindset, they mix religion with marriage and sex and mythology and cooking. It’s really disturbing, and I gave up on rationalizing how they exactly think.

Religious Studies teachers at schools, who are supposed to raise our kids, basicaly know absolutely nothing about religion (or anything in life for that matter). I’m not generalizing, I’m talking from experience, specially those who teach kids from 1st to 4th grade, they’re a receipt for disaster. They do nothing but talk about Genies, telling stories to kids that have nothing to do with religion or anything logical !! Terrifying kids, and directing their minds and hearts towards things that won’t benefit them in any possible way whatsoever.

Their lame excuse is that Genies are mentioned in Qur’an. This is true, it is mentioned in Qur’an, but it’s not mentioned in Qur’an that our whole life revolves around that. Genies exist, and that’s it ! Earlier Muslims didn’t bother about these things, but our Arab women of course know better and they will save humanity by watching TV shows about witchcraft. Our nation needs women who have nothing to do all day save for watching useless TV shows that offer nothing but harm to the brain !

Thankfully, the new generation girls don’t seem to have the same interest in these things. I have a dream that one day, old Arab women will spare us the headache that comes from this bullshit.

And I can bet anybody here, that if I grow a beard and go on a TV show talking bullshit about magic; granted the show will get more hits than any normal informative religious program.

Arab men: #18- Halema Bolland

Well, she is “cute” if she’s take the natural approach of presenting shows, presenting herself and working more on her articulate skills le anno el dala3 o el maya3a mesh sexy abadan – yeah yeah Halema fans call me jealous!

I don’t understand how most of the guys I hear from, read comments from online think she’s a “shagfe” = hottie! Showing more cleavage makes a gal hot?! Or the fake lenses? Or the foundation on her face and over her nose to define it? mashofna kteer banat on TV simply gorgeous bas matrasha.7o la ay beauty nominations zay el okht ?!

o “HeeeeeeeeeeeeYaaaaaaaaaa” 7aleemaaaaa = walla lagool lawalad 3ammy yentegem mennek!

Arab Women #16: DRAMA !!

As we all know, all women world-wide love Drama. It’s in their blood. It’s their thing !

But nevertheless, our Arab women have taken this concept to a whole new level.

It all start with little girls watching cartoons. I tell you, even as a kid I was able to distinguish and notice that the stuff girls watch is really DISTURBING !

It is really astonishing how very little girls get interested in cartoons about heart breaking and relationships. I remember watching everything as kid..but never this stuff !

Moving on, our Arab chicks dig drama. They look for it. They embrace it.

No matter what language the drama speaks, no matter how boring and cheesy it is, Arab women will follow it religiously. They cry at the beginning of the drama, cry in the middle of the drama, and cry at the end of the drama (be it a happy ending or sad ending, doesn’t matter).

All Arab young ladies have watched the Mexican series starting from Kasandra and ending with god knows what’s his name Alejandro-something.

Of course they watched the Turkish series also, who can miss such tragedies, specially when a girl-looking guy is acting ?

And you wonder why it is near to impossible to have a conversation about something useful with your average Arab girl ! If all her time is spent shedding tears on songs and series, then that’s all she know. And you wonder what kind of generation future mothers will raise ? The Nour/Muhannad generation probably, because that’s exactly what we need.

And don’t try to convince me otherwise, because if that’s all she know, then that’s exactly what she’s going to “produce” (the mating analogy again, sorry but it fits everywhere!).

God be with men who are forced to watch these things…and listen to cheesy music !

Arab Women #15: Wa7ed sheesha o salla7ooooooo

I tampered with the picture and blurred the girl’s face so no one gets upset as I noticed from comments on a previous post :p ma3a enno the girl ain’t even an Arab bas sho na3mol ya3ny..

I was out for Iftar today with “3abbas” – read the post on gorillas – the restaurant was packed and you could see how people were waiting for the athan anxiously while checking the buffet and watching the waiters go back n’ forth with salad dishes, soup and the laban to set on tables. All is normal of course…

Then we heard the athan so what we normally do is nsammy, drink some laban or water and eat the tamra right?! I have never seen someone picking up sheesha to break fast!! lol ya3ny mesh 2adra testanna !!! While everyone around that particular was busy munching on appetizers, the coal guy was fixing ras el sheesha la hal neswan – sorry benteen o 2 older women. Yes I am nosy person and I was watching their moves because I am a woman after all and I have to observe all.

We had great food, tea with mint and the man had dessert o hadool lessa beyshaysho! el ra7ma!! I decided to move my eyes to check the surrounding wella the majority of the women – ladies were smoking sheesha in comparison to a couple of men modestly smoking the hookah fa 2a3adt afakker ya3ny now el neswan are more into sheesha than before, allah yer7am ayyam zaman lamman kanet el mara eza masket sheesha akaloha b3yenon o 7ako 3anna al shooo 3aib o ma 3aib o mesh feminine! wlak yes3ad neswan hal ayyam kel wa7da wala agda3ha m3allema :p

The man goes like: “heida tafnee9″ they are just messing around and that’s not real smoking, they show off by holding the pipe and puffing some smoke from their mouths not even inhaling it but why pretend like it’s a must after – in some cases before – a meal especially when you’ve been fasting the majority of the day?! I am one of those ladies who order a 3enab sheesha ya3ny akhaf shee and after a couple of smokes I get drowsy and start coughing! so I sheesha only when I am within a group and I really feel like it o armi nafsi fel tahloka and don’t say it’s haram – don’t get religion involved man.

Why are women more into sheesha than before? why do they have “girlie” flavors like shammam o cappuccino or even ward walla farawla? Why do they have special hoses with glittery stuff and sequins or flashy colors and you see women asking for these accessories ya3ny style heyye o yaaha !? I mean, they are marketing it based on gender now right?!

Arab Women #14: Star Trek eye-brows!

Beh beh beh, that looks so real n’ genuine! Maskeen Obama bas it’s not him I am targeting, 7awajbeeno = the eye brows demonstrated in that picture above! Yes, I am speaking about my sisters out there although it’s HER13MANNNY’s job to do that, stab us in the back ;p and yes I know your nickname bas that’s how I read it. erfa3 3alay ta3weed adabi ezaaa 7a99altny !

Ma3aleina, women in the Arab world are soooo infatuated with the celebrities o artists specially abo ne9 kom female singers and the TV presenters and they imitate everything they do and akeed mostly noticed are makeup trends and fashion… 7aleema Boland any body?! @@

Eye-brows, eye-brows *sigh* … I go to the salon and I watch women shave half of them off and use henna tattoo to draw them and shape them up. 3ady and it’s their decision but what I don’t get are the demonic – “Japanese” eye-brow style!! it’s a raised line almost reaching your hair line on your forehead and the thing is, the higher it is the sexier obviously or something! shoft ekteer bas heik la2.. I am trying to anticipate the upcoming style trend for eye-brows bel 3alam el 3arabi bas I know that Egyptians started it right!? No offense people :p

I want to fess up though…

My younger sister walked into my room two days ago and cuz I didn’t have my glasses on, only thing I could see are two dark lines on her face specifically over her eyes and I was like: “yekhreb beitek 7ala2teehon!?” = did you shave’em?!

She was like no only henna tattoo and we didn’t spare her. I happen to drop by the salon as well and the lady who did my sister’s eyebrows was like: “they nice?” – “Yeah but it shows fake ya3ny, so why do it”

EB Lady: “Thin eyebrows need little tattoo better than eye liner and more natural”
Me: ” Uha, so what you want me to do mine!?”
EB Lady: “Try try, it will look very nice for you”

Five minutes of serious thinking of the consequences … AND I HAD THEM TATTOOED bas still, they look pretty natural to me:

secret is to find someone really good at this and pick the right shade of henna, also shaping them in a decent “natural” way helps ya3ny don’t make them longer that needed wala thicker.

No one said we’re anti fashion wella el moda bas everything in moderation is nice..

Next eyebrow style, one of the below :p

Although the picture is not clear

Arab Men and Women: #6 STARBUCKS!

Benmoooot feeh! benmoooot if we don’t at least have one cup of coffee barra el beit o bel akhas Star*ucks!

leeeish hal fixation ya tara?! tab mafee 3anna 2ahwet Abou Ali ولا شو إسما نسيت و الله !

Arab men: #17- It’s a jungle out there…

Leish el neswan – el 7areem – el nesa2 – el marahat, mabye7lo be3een elrjal until they are practically hooked up, actually married OR even have kids!? I have noticed a lot of guys running after “Busy” women = ya3ny opposite of vacant :p

El mohem, I’ve heard many theories on this and I refuse to even share them here le’anno 3aib o it’s Ramadan kids, let’s have some decency. Forget about married women, what pisses me off is that a gal like me and many of the readers out there stays home or goes about in her ordinary dull boring life waiting, waiting and probably dies waiting for Mr. right to come wala 7ada bye66ala3 bewesha (looks at her or pays attention to her translated to English) and when she becomes involved with someone BANG, seems like she attracts men more wella na9eebha beye3la shway wella I don’t know what happens… Did that ever happen to you girls?

Or at some point some guy would walk up to you and start acting differently when he’s just an acquaintance or a regular friend and starts interfering in your private life in an attempt to “make you see things right” or innocently “help”! Okkk, that’s a bunch man bas if you had emotions why wait till there’s another monkey around and start a fuss!

Saaaame same jungle law! It’s like they’re waiting for the mating season o kel wa7ed byehjom ba3dein to try and win the catch = el log6a as our Jordanian brothers call an attractive woman.

Meet Sa3deya, a loner.. been in the jungle for so long, poor thing can’t tell day from night and all she does is eat while staring at them hunks around her @@

Sa3deya 7elyet be3een 3abbas and they both decided to give a shot o kollo tamam ela an akalat el gheera qalb 3abdo el bully elly qarrar enno “yesa3edha” o yehaddeha whenever a fight occurs between the couple or even some tines offer help and gifts or even too many “Hi and Hello” calls when it’s not necessary la7ad ma 3abbas 6a2!

A couple of chest beating and they fight…

6ab leish el bahdale o shegl elze3ran!? leish men el awwal ma nash.shant 3al bent o won her heart!? 6ab o if you had feelings, why were you such a chicken and never stepped up?!

el 3aib fe shabab el youm enno they delay everything, they blame all their issues on everything and everyone around them.. they are lazy! and as James Brown sang (with a few modifications):

This is a man’s world, but it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without women’s rule ! 3alashan yemsho 3ala 3ajeen maylakhba6oosh ! *beats chest*

Arab Women #13: Sneaky

In this post, I’m targeting the new generation, who unfortunately keep on disappointing me. I’ll talk about the most common types of girls: “The Islamised” and “The Westernized”.

Of course we have more types. As a matter of fact, we have all kind of types, but these two seem to be the most prominent ones, yet the most disappointing at the same time. Gotta wonder why lot of women don’t seem to get married nowadays.

“The Islamised” girl ideally portrays herself as the conservative girl, who have to tell the whole world that she prays and fasts. She makes sure that every person who know her (or know of her) is very well aware that she prayed.

It’s all about morals. It’s all about portraying herself as the perfect conservative Arab wife who happens to be the dream of every Arab guy (mating anybody?).

“The Westernized” girl is your typical girl who grow up thinking she will be a Britney Spears one day. She goes to English schools, American private universities, and she says “OMG OMG OMG” hundred times a day.

You can identify “The Westernized” ones easily, they’re the ones who puts a “fuck off” sign on their foreheads specially when they’re teenagers. They all live in a parallel realities.

“The Islamised” girls all have boy friends secretly. Sadly enough, they ideally have more than one boy friend at a time, and I’m taking here from an eye witness point of view.

“The Islamised” girl will give her boyfriend all kinds of headaches ever known to humanity. She will freak him out, get pissed on every possible occasion. She’s the master of Drama. Actually she’s the most creative creature when it comes to drama !

“The Westernized” girl will ideally avoid boys and say “ewww” on every possible occasion. But that’s only when she’s under the age of 18. After that, she get’s a cultural shock. She goes to college. She’s not a Britney Spears.

She fell head over heals for a guy who is less than average. But everybody knows about it. She changes her status on facebook to “It’s complicated”. She fills facebook with pictures of her and her boy friend; trying to convince everybody that her boy friend is almost a Brad Pitt.

“The Islamised” girl continues her stalking quest. The more boys the better. I’m not happy to say this, but they tend to be sneaky liars. Showing off their religious commitments while having relationships and affairs. Pretending that they don’t have a boy friend while they ALL have have boy friends. They’re all in relationships. They all hit on every possible guy they see. They cheat, lie, evade, and sneak.  It saddens me to say that I reached a point where I can that ANY girl who portrays herself as religious is nothing but a hypocrite liar. Period.

As you might already have guessed, I’m more pro “The Westernized” girl here. Not that they’re perfect, no they’re not. Some of them go to some odd extremes. But generally speaking, you don’t see the hypocrisy you see with the other type of girls. At least you know when she has a boy friend that she has a boyfriend. At least she doesn’t have two boy friends at the same time.

There’s a third type…and we can call it the “prostitute” type. Please don’t confuse it with “The Westernized”, because “prostitute” type try to portray themselves as Westernized. No need to write about this type, they’re not worth the trouble.